Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
