Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize