smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
