New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
