Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
