I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
