How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
