Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Is Oprah even human
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
