You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
