Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
It was confusing and full of hummus
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
