your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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