I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
