I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
