he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
