i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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