haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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