it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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