she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
