make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
