i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
