You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
