That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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