She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You're like the curious george of whores
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
