The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
