That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
