God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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