I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
