i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
