Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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