First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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