In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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