I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
