Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize