I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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