ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
