I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
