The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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