As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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