It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I need to stop coming to work sober
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
