what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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