Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Randomize
