i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
