Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
