the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
