I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
