So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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