you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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