maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
