Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
