Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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