am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
