The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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