Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
