pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
