Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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