I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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