dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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