I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
