I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
