I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
