I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
