She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
