Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
