Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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