god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
