you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
