So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
