I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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