Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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