Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
